our birth stories
When I was pregnant with my son, now 3 years old, I knew I wanted a natural childbirth. I felt strongly that pregnancy and birth were not illnesses that needed to be managed by a team of healthcare workers. I trusted that my body and baby would know what to do when the time came. My husband suggested a homebirth but I dismissed this as the last remnants of his diehard hippie days from college. I mean, I trusted the nature of birth and all, but babies were born in hospitals! We found an OB/GYN that we liked and had a great reputation for supporting natural childbirth.
As it turned out, 'natural' childbirth meant many things to many people. Looking back, I realize that my doctor looked at ‘natural’ birth simply as birth without pain medication. To her, continuous fetal monitoring, numerous vaginal checks, bright harsh lights, IVs, oxygen, etc., were just par for the course. To her, I could have all these interventions, but if I delivered my baby without pain medication, it would be ‘natural.’ I perceived my labor as very difficult and painful. After about 9 hours of back labor, two doses of Stadol, and zero support from the nursing staff I gave in and had an epidural. Three hours later I pushed my beautiful baby boy out into the world. Never before had I felt so elated and disappointed at the same time. While I was so completely consumed with love for my baby, I couldn't help but feel that his birth happened around me and not to me. I regretted that I had, figuratively and literally, numbed myself to the experience.
Fast forward almost three years and my husband and I were expecting our second child. I didn't want to have the same feelings of disappointment that I had with the birth of my son when the topic of homebirth came up again. I was finishing my last semester of nursing school and doing a high-risk OB rotation. My clinical instructor disclosed to my classmates and me that she had birthed her daughter at home using a midwife. One conversation led to another and there I was with Freedom and the Seed’s web address. I still wasn't completely convinced, so my husband and I started reading books on how to have a natural birth in a hospital. I could not shake the fear of the pain I experienced with my son’s birth. We decided to meet with the midwives to discuss our fears. Fortunately, once we shared our fears with Marinah and Jennifer, they reassured us that birth was something we could handle and we were convinced we didn't want another hospital experience. The next week we met with Wendi and Sarah. We felt completely at home and safe with Freedom and the Seed. It was RIGHT!
This all happened at 36 weeks so we rushed through all the plans: the paperwork, the Jacuzzi tub rental, and the hypno-birthing class. I felt an urgency to prepare for this birth because my son came at 39 weeks. I couldn’t help but feel that I only had three weeks to get ready for the big event. Just to teach me a lesson in patience, my baby waited until 41 weeks, 2 days to come into the world. It was in the afternoon and I had been cleaning all day (hello, nesting!!). I had been having practice surges (aka, Braxton-Hicks contractions) for months so I knew it was time when they didn't stop if I sat and rested. My husband and I worked at getting my son ready to go to my mother-in-law's house, making phone calls, and changing out the tub water. At 9:00 I asked my husband to call Marinah (as she was on call that week) and tell her I was ready for her. She, Jennifer (who left to go to another birth), and Sarah got there about an hour later and busied themselves getting everything set up. It was SO calm! We lit candles, dimmed the lights, and put on music. I sat on my birthing ball in between surges and listened to the voices of the midwives, my husband, and my best friend (who had arrived about the same time as the midwives). I found this chatter to be incredibly relaxing. During surges, I would stand up and bend forward, rock back and forth, and practice some of the breathing techniques I learned in our hypno-birthing class.
At about 10:30 Marinah asked if I wanted her to check my dilatation, just so we had an idea of what kind of progress my baby and I were making. After I got through a few more surges, at approximately 11:15, we moved into my bedroom where she checked and I was only at two centimeters! I couldn't believe it! Only two?! Marinah suggested I stay in bed for a few surges as I had been laboring in the same position for so long. She felt a change might help. This is when I started doubting my decision for a home birth. The surges were so intense at this point and I was having trouble staying focused on my breathing. I found myself wanting to run away. I wanted my epidural! Did they still use ether? General anesthesia? I know now that I was in transition. Marinah suggested I get in the birthing tub as I'm sure she could tell I was getting to the "crazy place." I had a few surges in the tub when I felt the urge to bear down. But that was crazy right, because 45 minutes prior I had only been at two centimeters! Marinah said to give it a tiny push during my next surge; if it really was time, my body would take over, if not, nothing would happen. During the next surge, I gave a little push and it was like my body had become a freight train! I reached in and felt my babies head coming down the birth path. After only a few more pushes, my beautiful baby girl was born! It happened so fast I think it shocked us all. Hazel was stunning and I was in love immediately. We had just come through the most incredible journey together that bonded us instantaneously.
We stayed in the tub until the cord stopped pulsing and I passed the placenta. Sarah and my husband carried Hazel into our bedroom where they clamped the cord and checked her over. Marinah and I followed so she could suture up a small tear that happened when Hazel made her grand entrance. Before I knew it, the midwives had us cleaned up and tucked into bed.
The next day, waking in my own bed, I was euphoric. I was just in awe of what my body had done and how it knew exactly what to do. I couldn't believe I DID it! Marinah and Sarah came back to our house that morning to check on us and then Sarah came three days after the birth to check again. They weighed Hazel, listened to her heart, took her temperature, and checked how we were doing with breastfeeding. They were so wonderful, loving, and supportive.
As time goes by I realize that, while it was incredible, my birth experience was simply nature. It's just how babies are born and if we're left alone, our bodies will rarely fail us. The physical power that my body produced to birth my baby is absolutely awesome. Who knew that females were so strong? I am incredibly proud to be a woman and mother. What an experience to have a birth with women who feel the same way!